Lincoln, NE

So it is pretty early in the morning (7:20), and I've already been up for an hour... fun times I tell you. So when I got off the plane, and out of the airport on Sunday, it smelled like cow country. I've lived close to a farm in Russia, so it is not an unfamiliar smell, but I don't think I've ever expected to come out of an airport in the US and have the same smell. The next morning I showed up to the customer site, and at least it is very close to the hotel. The training facilities are nice... and the people (other than falling asleep a bit here and there) are nice as well. One actually suggested that we start at 7:30 this morning, which almost made me laugh. :) Went out a bit last night... I walk into a bar, ciggy hanging out of my mouth; pull out a $5 bill to play some GT, and a disgruntled bar-wench runs over.
Wench: What are you doing?!?
0ver: Ahhh, about to play a game of Tee; be a sweetie and get me a Heineken.
Wench: You're smoking... you can't smoke!!!
0ver: What do you mean I can't smoke? Can't you smoke in this place??? This sux.
Wench: It's against the law to smoke in bars... you have to go outside.
0ver: Don't think I like that, but I'll play along for now.

Lincoln passed a law as of Jan 1, there is no smoking in bars. At least the weather is nice, so smoking outside is not bad... but I am already not at all liking this place. I smoke, I drink, I play GT... all three go together very well. The first two are something that I do to relax after work, and I am very mad if I can’t.

Saw a dude that looked like a Weebles-Wobble; he must have been about 6’3”, with most of his weight below the 3’ line. Made me laugh. Other than that, nothing too much fun. Playing some poker tonight, at a place that is at least on some special county grounds, and therefore allows smoking… so we shall see. Time for breakfast, and werk.

Quote

Pointing to the bottle, MFick says, "without a sharp edge, how can you penetrate my skin?"

No stories worth telling

A very uneventful day, even by my standards. I got a lot of stuff done… Finished my taxes, saw my financial advisor, bought some cigars and wine.
Had a drunk accuse me of stealing his blackberry, then his credit card. (and no, I was not drunk)
Saw the unbelievably gorgeous belly-dancer. And no, this is not my dick talking, she is seriously just… WOW. (and no, I was not drunk)
Went to meet a friend at some crazy meat-market bar… was not allowed in (surprise, I was not drunk)
Proceeded to drive her to another place… tried to tell her that she was not doing things the right way… didn’t help much.
She wanted me to come over to her place… Against my better judgment I went there… All I have to say, it was great to be young.

Home at 5… very mildly buzzed.

Fascinating things I heard:
“If you didn’t take it, you would have said you didn’t take it.” This is after I said I didn’t take it.
“I’m a big girl, I know what I’m doing.” From a child that didn’t know what she was doing.

Maybe some fun tonight!?!

God made me the way I am, and he takes care of me.

MFick: well don't be a raunch and crude prson!
MFick: dammit
0ver: sorry, that is just how i am
0ver: god made me that way
0ver: you gonna argue with god?
0ver: ...
0ver: i thought so!
MFick: you choose to be the way you want to be...god gave you the choice to be who you wanted to be
MFick: he didn't make you definitively anything...he gave you the choice to make yourself
0ver: he gave me a chance to make choices... but he made me the way i am
MFick: very true...but he didn't make you the way you are...he gave you the opportunity to make yourself anything you wanted to be
MFick: you are a product of your choices not his
MFick: or hers...:)
0ver: i am god's creation,
0ver: His creation, not a blob that totally shapes himself
0ver: i had a start
0ver: that start was crude and raunchy
0ver: i build onto that
0ver: :)
MFick: hehe....I highly doubt that god made the basis of your being crudeness and raunchyness
0ver: he did
0ver: he told me
MFick: hehe....if you have common conversations with god...would you ask him what the hell he's doing or rather not doing with my love life
0ver: he is, he is letting you have your choices though
0ver: make your own decissions and all
0ver: and he sent me to you, but you just haven't figured it out yet
0ver: ;)
0ver: so God and I will wait
0ver: God will send me many beutifull women while we wait
MFick: many beautiful women...but none so fair as the one for whom you wait, for whom you long
MFick: I like that better
0ver: i long for no one in particular
MFick: I thought you were talking about how you and god would wait
0ver: we will
0ver: but while we wait, we gots to entertain ourselves
0ver: so he sends me women, i bang them, he forgives me for fornication, and send the beeches to hell :)
MFick: why does he forgive you?
MFick: and will he forgive me?
0ver: cause we are boys!
0ver: and he might forgive you... if you come to your sensus
MFick: I don't know I think even god would understand since the sex I've had is so good
MFick: O:-)
0ver: hahahaha

To virgin, or not to virgin... that is the question

DChick: so did you get any ass in Minneapolis?
0ver: :(
DChick: O:-)
0ver: i don't get no ass
DChick: bummer
DChick: i'm sorry
0ver: bitches that wanna gimmi ass, i don't want... the ass i want i can't get
0ver: story of my life
DChick: that sucks.....thats' why you have to seduce a virgin...they're wrapped around your finger for life....they come whenever, whereever you call them
0ver: true dat
0ver: but you gotta babysit and shit... teach them everything
0ver: it has + and - you can make them do whatever, but you gotta teach 'em
DChick: true.....but that's not always a bad thing.....teach them exactly how you like it
DChick: exactly
0ver: i guess

M schedule

So for anyone that wants to keep up, here is my sched for the upcoming weeks.

week of 3/28 - Lincoln, NE
week of 4/4 - Lincoln, NE
week of 4/11 - Kansas City, MO
4/16-24 - Moscow, Russia
week of 4/25 - Bartlesville, OK

Yay for me!
F_ckers!

An Idea....

Should I post various fascinating discussions I have with people through IM, or on my phone? If you are voting NO… you should email me, because chances are they are the juicy ones I speak of.

Yes... show me the dirt

No, it's a bad idea and people will hate you

Yes... even though people will hate you

What a worthy first entry

While having a smoke outside... I get sht on, by a bird.

Welcome to my world.

I'll be adding a few "pre" entries with dates later, but this is the official first one.

The weekend is over

And since it is Monday, and the least of all things that I want to do is work, I shall bless you all (once again) with my literary genius. (consider this Chapter 2)

So Friday starts off with a damper. Being stuck in Mini-no-place is far from a good time. Driving at an average speed of 5-10mph to get to the airport was not a good sign. Seeing cars in ditches.... not a good sign... not being able to see 20 feet in front of you, not a good sign... seeing busses fishtail... not a good sign. Seeing slight boards that are ALL RED because of cancellations... you guessed it, a bad sign. However, I am a lucky bastage... and my flight is only 4.5 hours delayed... so the best place I know of to spend 4.5 hours... you guessed it once again, that bar. I have to tell you, I hate Minnesota, but the only good thing about it is The Copper Stein. Possibly the best airport bar ever.

While in line to check in, I meet a girl named Charisse... And since some of you know my passion for BT, you know that I was very happy with this. Works for Accenture, so although she may be a pawn... some nice conversation was promising. Dropping the fiancée bomb early did not score her any points (as there was no ring). Not accepting offers of The Copper Stein was her second and worst mistake of the day. But Sherry (the always friendly bar-wench) makes it all better by getting me the fave... yes, it was not Ciroc, but Goose is a close second... and yes, by the glass, on the (very thin) rocks.

Yes, I did meet some fascinating people at the bar... and yes, everyone was in the mood for a drink... and yes hilarity ensued. Betting money on the undergarments of the opposite sex has always been a favorite past time... especially when you offer to check for yourself. Doing my best to keep up with a Scot, drinking straight Jameson may have been a mistake, but hell, I'll try anything once. Having the boarding agent tell me that it may not be a good idea to get on the flight, because I may have had a few too many didn't win her any points either, yes as Saturday night (still to come) proved it... my sentences started ending with "... st00pid wh0re."

I am telling you, the best thing to do after waking up from an hour's nap... considering my current condition... yes, do not pass go, yes, do not collect $200, yes... proceed directly to a strip club. MY boy Georgie is there, and he and his friend is not happy, because the girl that urged us to go there with her the week before (We shall call her 'Amy') decides it is a good idea to bring her boyfriend... Yeah, like me bringing my wife... wait, I don't have a wife... or a girlfriend... AND I WONDER WHY? So I get to this place... and ‘Demi’ is a sweetheart, so she greets me at the door, bypasses cover, and checks my bags... oh yes, I have luggage from being in hell for a few days. Because George left five minutes before I walked in, I am not happy... and I am only too happy to take this out on 'Amy' and all her friends (not a very fun group). They leave, and I would as well, except that ‘Demi’ wants to have breakfast... and gets off soon. So since I do not have my usual roll, I buy some "VIP Bucks," I feel like I am in Disney Land, except Minnie is wearing pasties. Yes the quality is poor, but what else am I supposed to do for a half hour.

Morning arrives, and I take a cab to the diner (No ‘Demi’ can't drive me, because she is not allowed to leave with customers (the wh0re). Who is sitting at the diner? 'Amy' and her friend... who gives me dirty looks when they pass by my table with the girl that was serving them drinks an hour ago... 'Amy' and her friends. I think maybe I was sobering up, or maybe it was the fact that the lights were actually ON, but ‘Demi’ didn't look quiet as good. Oh well, I can just make sure to take her to dark places... and who needs to see the face anyway, if you know what I mean. She makes me promise to take her out the next evening... and although I am not much for dating I agree.

Fast forwarding to Saturday... ‘Demi’ is no where to be found... I watch some of the tourney and jump online. 'Silb' is there, and he says he's been drinking. Since ‘Demi’ is now a lost cause, I decide to invite myself to hang out with ‘Silb’ and his friends. ‘Silb’ proceeds to tell me that someone at the office… or rather someone’s boyfriend is none too pleased with me, and they plan on stopping by on Monday to have words with me… well, at least there is a promise of a good time today. (more on this later). So the only thing I am in the mood for is again vodka rocks. ‘Silb’ seems to think that this is a strange order, but he’s an amateur, so all is forgiven. There is some mindless conversation, and a decision to move venues. Although Duffy’s is a fun place, there is nothing (or no one) there. Liar’s is a place I’ve been very close to getting booted out of, so why not!?!

Although I am starting to feel the effects of the Jager bomb, Car Bomb, and the Vodka… and the cab driver is Nigerian, I am not the one to draw first blood. The guy… yes that guy… in the front seat starts making fun of him. I am not too pleased, because even I have limits. I am thinking of what dull object to stab him with, but ‘Silb’ warns me against this… since he’s a friend of a friend of a friend.

All is on track at Liar’s… from the looks of things I’ve set up everyone I was with with at least one opportunity. Now to work on my own game… wait… there is no one left… are you kidding me??? Finally find someone that seems to know how to dance… which is a plus… Willing to dance dirty… another plus… grinds down… another bonus… grabs crotch… a big bonus… tells me she is married when I grab her ass… ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!? This is my life, I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried. I ask the ‘DJ’ to play something good, but I guess he isn’t having it. I go home, night down the drain.

Sunday is a brand new day… and waking up sober at 12:30 is a good sign. This may be a productive day after all. A call from JZ about free pool later that evening is a great idea… remembering that ‘Mandy’ told me about a brunch that starts at noon was a bad thing. I go to this Jack Sullivan’s place… and start off with 11 Jager-bombs… no, not all for me silly… 2 for Thad and I, 9 for me, ‘Mandy,’ ‘Jane,’ J, and all their friends… We then go to see my new (back from the shop)… After partaking in some festivities ‘Mandy’ proceeds to “curb” my door. Already looking like the day is taking a turn for the worse. J (‘Mandy’s boyfriend) and I are very close to killing a bastage at Sullivan’s. This guy is more of a prick than I, if you think that’s impossible, I was surprised as well. Since I’m a lover, not a fighter we leave and go to ‘Mandy’s for some more festivities… This is where it all goes bad. Since Stevo has large (and dumb) testicles, and the men are all idiots, we decide to compete in feats of strength. Pull-ups and Bench Press are the categories… both of these activities I love, since they usually lead to the dislocation of my shoulder. And less than 20 minutes later, that is exactly what happens. I can barely feel my fingers… but an ice pack later, and the idea of free pool and more fun sounds like a good one.

I become the “ex-boyfriend” for ‘Keri,’ a friend that has a knack for finding a$$holes to date. This is fun, because I can get away with an occasional ass-pinch while her boyfriend looks on from another table J Have you met me??? I am that prick. And yes, since there are a few people with me, he (correctly) decides that he should go. Not much more excitement to tell about at this point… but it ended up being a good day.

To put a price thing on the weekend would be tough, but I will try this as well.
Strip club (and breakfast) ~ $150
‘Silb’ (Saturday) evening ~ $150
Round of Jager-bombs at Sullivan’s - $90
Beers at Sullivan’s (because J’s sister wears a yamacha) - $26
Beers and food at the pool place - $160
$576 later, being able to talk about it is priceless :) I should be on a damned commercial!

I am also in possession of a very gay looking pool cue, if anyone wants to claim it… please, it is in the back seat of my car.

Hmmmmmmm....

I almost feel like a southerner up here.

I am very bored, so I thought I would write all of you a little something in hopes of some entertainment tomorrow.

So since I have had nothing overly eventful happen to me today, I guess I will just discuss the events of the day.


Morning:

I wake up in a bit of a haze. These idiots put me up on the first flood, which is not a bad idea for them (no cleaning up in the elevator), but for me... I don’t want to see cars pulling out of the lot as I am waking up. Wake up... Shower... Even shave (yes I know this is strange, but I work for ‘the man’ right now, so a must have)... where were we... oh yes, I shave... As I am getting out of the shower and start grooming, I realize that my Texture Cream is almost out. Mind you, I knew about this before I came up here... but I figured since people at work were going to the store no such luck.. 0ver had to use the rest of what he had (more on this later).


Post Morning:

So I manage safely to get out of my room... walk over to the front desk, because the 380+ lbs shaqeefa last night couldn’t get me the rate that I needed to get... Speaking of which, what the hell... I am tired of booking my own travel, back in the day I had people doing this for me... either customers, or the girl in Denver... mmmmmm girl in Denver... but in any case, I wasn’t bothered with the menial crap... back to the story; so now I am dealing with ‘the manage,’ who I hope for her own good has a GED... she goes on to sit there for 10 minutes (wasting valuable breakfast time) trying to give me the rate that I wanted... NO SUCH LUCK!!! The ‘computer’ won’t take it... blame that st00pid box I tell you. So after wrestling with it for a while, she informs me that she needs the customer’s phone number. Why, of course!!! Right here; bust out the laptop... turn it on (almost ;) ) The first number that pops into my head is ole’ girl’s... at this point she says that it is all good, the computer accepted it (let’s just hope they don’t call Toni to make sure that I am approved for the Eaton Hydraulics rate) hahaha


In the office:

So I thought I missed the place about a dozen times... yes, it is only 2 miles away, but all these streets go in circles. I get to the customer... is there anyone there to greet me? NO! So like a good consultant, I sit there and read the paper... ½ the business section later, someone decides to ask whom I am... I tell them... they call up the guy to meet me. After the entire business section (and no, this does not include market closings) ‘the guy’ comes to get me.


Fast forward to mid day:

After lunch no one wants to work... of course I am a professional, so therefore I am always ready... but that is about it. Discussions of the product line lead to Brandy, Vodka, and everything else I would rather be doing... but I am a professional. Moving away from drinks, we go on to talk about politics. Stevo loves me some politics. Russia, the mistakes... Do I speak Polish or Ukrainian? NO FOOL! I AM RUSSIAN!!! IT’S THE OTHER WAY AROUND! All I have to say, ignorance is bliss, and I have very good self control.


End of day:

So we are saying our good-byes and someone suggests we start at 8am tomorrow (today for all of you). Great idea, if you’re used to working 7-3... which as you all know is not the case with me... of course Mr. Customer, I’ll be glad to (you prick-bastard).


The search for hair products:

I go to a ‘solon’ that I found in the area... Vidal Sassoon is not my idea of quality though... Cub Foods... yes, that was a mistake as well. Driving around is fun and all, but Stevo needs a drink, and therefore the strip-mall (yes they have many here) has a SupperCuts. Thank God for corporate America, they are stocked well, and once again my hair will be survive... my stomach almost didn’t though. This person should have been wearing a mask; because the face would have scared anyone under the age of 18... and made most puke. Should you not at least be ½ way presentable??? I mean I am not that picky... but DAMN!!!


Tonight:

At least the drinks are cheap. And people know better, and leave me alone. A few rounds of Golden Tee (so what if I dropped at least $50 in there), and I am back to my usual pleasant self. And after picking up some KFC... I am now back ‘at home.’ Ready to go to bed, and repeat in the morning... a bright morning... as the sun as coming up, and more bastages try to look in on me as I wake up.


Post-script:

I have had no entertainment today. No one fun called... 0ver is bored, and thought that maybe at least if I sent this out, I could get something fun and exciting to read tomorrow, or God forbid... one of you calls.

On this note, I shall wish you a fare well. Time to watch some bad programming, and go to bed.