Changing Sides

Although I could write some very fun things about last night, I think I will hold off till I get some pictures to go along with the story... For now I'll post about last weekend's outing to Charlie's. It's pride parade here in Chicago, so I guess I should salute the fudge packers... after all, if they weren't gay, I'd have more competition :)

So Chad... I'll call him Chad at least... is very drunk. And since Chad is very openly gay, and a very fun person to be around, this is a good thing. TAG, Atkins, Chad, Otis, and I are all having a great time pounding down lots of shots, and making fun of all the ugly wh0res walking around the place when Chad gets the idea of going to Charlie's, which is a gay club on the border of Boys' Town... or as Smidge likes to call it Homo Heights. Otis is of course very scared of gays, mostly because he may be a closet boy himself ;) Since Sapo, the bartender, is very drunk... he takes is in for a night of drinking and beligerancy.

We all get there, and of course the place is packed. Chad is already all over every boy in there. Sapo and TAG are holding hands and are pretending to be lovers... just to make sure no one else hits on them. Atkins is laughing at everything in sight at this point... and me, well... 0ver is always on the hunt. Let me explain my view on gay clubs... THEY ARE GREAT! Why??? Well, the women. All gay guys have gorgeous straight female friends... these friends love going out to gay bars because they feel safe... and because they don't have to deal with the pigs at straight clubs... I love this country!!! I walk up to the bar, unbutton my shirt and have some queen buy me a shot and a beer. "Later big boy," hahaha I love it... so let the hunt begin. My theory proves true as I see a couple of girls weaving through the crowd... It is too easy, walk up, grab them... and start dancing. They are all over you in seconds... Grab their asses, and all they do is giggle.

This continues on as I get to drink and flirt with model type girls all night. TAG gets gets hit on, and I think he is about to flip as Sapo steps in and says "Get away from my man!" I almost die laughing... and TAG, I think for the first time in his life is happy to be another man's boyfriend.

The funny thing, the next day Sapo can't stop talking about this place... and how much time he had. I think Sapo is turning into El Gato Negro... slowly but surely ;) His senorta will not be happy with this... but the boys at Charlies will love to see a new Latin Lover to join their ranks. :-D

Is this what they call a "wh0re" or maybe just a hooker

So I was at MFick's birthday party... and an interesting thing happend.

There's a girl with large tits... that I am quickly turned on by. I try to bag that little monkey. I mean, come on... who wouldn't.

For those of you that have heard my "wanna fuck?" pickup line, well, I ran it... and it got great reviews. Asked her if she wanted to go home and screw... the response was "now?" I love that... of course not now, I'm only 1/2 way in the bag, so why don't we stick around here and have some more drinks... then go home... smiles, confusion, but nothing against the fact.

Some time later in the conversation, or the evening something happens. Somehow this little thing says that I can't afford her. Are you kidding me? I later find out that she is the daughter of some rich guy... blah blah... but to actually tell that to someone is not at all cool. This is especially true when dealing with an asshole like me. I proceed to tell her that I can, and actually come up to some people that know me and ask them. Fortunatly enough, all say "yes, I think he can" After this the girl's eyes light up... and she is very very friendly.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? I HAVE SOME $$$, AND NOW YOU WANT TO FUCK?!?! WHORE!
Maybe I am being harsh, but seriously.... be a bit stand-offish, but as soon as you think I am loaded... anyway.

At this point I am trying to figure out what I will do with this little monkey. Dirty Sanchez is always good... maybe the Donkey Punch. I then just think that I will tap that ass and blow a load in her eye afterwards. That is usually pretty harsh to do to a girl, but in this case seemed perfect. I send her off with my credit card to get a bottle of bubbly (just to keep appearances up... you know, if I'm paying for a hooker, I might as well play the role).

Here's another "June is busting out all over":


Any case, I finally get cock-blocked by this monkey's brother.... you heard me right, she was supposed to spend the night at his place, and he yelled at her that he was leaving and she HAD to come with. He probably knew that her best case scenario was not being banged by most of the north side. And I guess I have to give him a bit of credit, but that is it. YOU'RE AN ASS! Let me see, no more girlfriend... still very bitter about it... can't get laid... and now ruining sh|t for everyone else. I hate people like that, end of story.

Unfortunatly, that thing is not worth it in my book to try again for. A call would give her too much credit.

Funny quote while at a customer

"The 387 is a popular size in Russia, because they have really tight holes. So the bigger ones won't fit."

LMFAO! It was difficult not to crack up... I think I cracked a smile, but the way this woman was talking... yeah! Also part of the conversation...

"The 10/16mm are used in Russia, they complained until we were able to supply something that was able to fit their tight holes."

Crazy for Jane

So, my boy Cowboy, and his sis have a band... check out their page, and look aout for them being at a town near you!!!

CRAZY FOR JANE

Speeding Ticket

So I drink a lot. Actually, that is probably an under statement.

I also sometimes drive, while in this state. Actually, that is probably an under statement as well.

Schrump is coming to town... Kinzey-poo is going to be out... Shoerack is in, and hell, it's Friday, why not go play some Golden Tee with the boys and have some beers!

Of course, being the responsible adult that I am, I tell a few people that under NO CONDITION am I to drive out of that bar. I got a hotel room about a mile down the road, and I am to be driven there by someone, ANYONE.

Being the good friends they are, at almost 2am I am driving to the hotel. I am not quiet sure, but there were quiet a few rounds of Jaeger-bombs thrown in there with all of the Heinekens I put down. The tab is actually fairly low, about $130, for about 6 hours of drinks, that is NOTHING! Toss a tip on there, and I am on my way.

The best thing to do in this situation is drive as fast as humanly possible to get from point A to point B. I mean come on, the less time I am on the road, the less chance of anything bad happening. WRONG. About 50 yards from the hotel, I see bright reds and blues... At this point I am a bit nervous, but hell... a free night in a cell is pretty comparable to the night at the hotel :)


-Do you know why I stoped you?
-Probably speeding
-Yeah, you were going 61 in a 35... I wasn't even clocking, just doing paperwork... but you set it off hard.
-I was on the phone, not paying attention
-Have you been drinking
-Yeah, a little
-What's a little
-Maybe 3 or 4 beers in the last 4-5 hours
-License and Registration

-You live in Chicago, is that where you going?
-No, actually I have a hotel room right here and I am just trying to get there.

At this point, There is not much I can do but wait

-Here's your speeding ticket [blah blah blah explanation], you get all that?
-Yes officer
-Now I'm going to wait here and watch you go into that hotel
-Actually officer, I have a bond card, can I have my license back?
-Oh, you've done this before, huh

-Here you go... now be carefull making that turn.

I was very careful... and he did wait.

I am the luckiest person alive. From a DUI to a speeding!

This guy was great, and if I didn't think he could get in trouble, I would post name/badge/location. What is the point of him arresting me? More paperwork... helps no one. I am not driving home, but being responsible and getting a room. 'To protect and serve' isn't that right? He is a shining example!

Mmmmm, Jessica

So these pictures aren't mine... but had to save them.

Jessica Alba is so hot.... want to touch the hieney... So I figure I'd let you all enjoy as well.

I am probably also going to be good, and put a NSFW warning on this... it's no pron, and I'm sure TV cameras were all over it, but some of you may not want the boss man catch you looking at these pictures.

Yes, I know they are big, but there are those of you that will want to save them, so I'd rather keep the quality. ;)

Post Wedding...

So now that I've had a day to recover from the weekend, I can post up some thoughts.

Firstly, what a great time! I am not much for the whole matrimony thing, but this was great. I wish these two geezers ;) the very best!

Although I was hot as h3ll at the ceremony, it was very nice. I think I pissed off Father Jim again when I knelt for communion, so that’s always a bonus. Bagpipes rock! That is all I have to say. We had some time between the ceremony, so what better activity than going to the bar, and watching the Cubbies pounce on Boston. After the game, I had the bag-piper guy play some pipes for us. AWSOME! The whole bar was cheering. He played a funeral song for Boston, and then a couple of other tunes… Scotland the Strongest is one of the names I think… anyway, good times.

Reception was a crazy good time. It really was a small family wedding of about 250 people. You heard me right, tons of people, but everyone felt like family… at least I felt like family. Some people that I actually got off with on the wrong foot the day, or even two before came up and we had some talks, and all was well. Barring some minor irritations from the Ex, everything worked out great. Getting a cab to leave took about 45 minutes, but otherwise a good time.

Sunday they had a brunch, which essentially turned into me hanging out and drinking all day, which again is a good thing.

All in all, I can’t wait for the pictures so I can put them up.

Weddings suck!

All right, before I write all of this, let's get some things straight. I love B and P to death. I love them both individually; I love them both together... I understand the whole thing about getting married as a sign of commitment, but at the same time, if I don't think I need commitment at 26, they probably are true to each other in their 40s-50s. All that said, I really do wish them the very best, and about 28 hours from now, they will be a happily (hope so) married couple.

Now for the rant.

How incompetent and FUCKING stupid can people be?

Let's recount the day's events... The Ex comes in, and it is nice to see her. I think we actually have a pretty good relationship after we stopped being a couple. I think this to myself as she ashes on my bed... AGAIN... so I guess I'll take that comment back. We got to Bill and Patricia's, since TDawg needs to be in bed early for a 6am flight, it is my duty to get her there early. Hmmmmm, who is at the house... bride, and two friends... no, no groom, no no-one. No problem by me, crack open a cold one, and try to chat it up with the Cunucks. Turns out that the groom needed to drive some people around town. Why you may ask??? Well someone didn't like their hotel room. Yup, the groom decided that it would be nice to do this. I am thinking probably the bride's crazy family; so just a normal occurrence. About 30-an hour later L shows up... and says she needs to talk to me... conversation goes like this:

L: 0ver, I know you sent me a bunch of stuff for the bachelorette party... but
0ver: Yeah yeah, all is good, you girls ready to go?
L: Aaaahh, well, actually, I got nothing?
0ver: Huh?
L: Well, we don't really have anything to do... couldn't find any strip clubs, or any guys to go see.
0ver: you got to be kidding me
L: Can you help?
0ver: Aaaah, the limo will be here in about 10 minutes??? Are you serious?
L: Yup.

So, push, shove... call here and there, about 30 minutes later we have us a bachelorette party. Got them a VIP room in a bar, and a couple of guys to come by and shake their asses. "Thanks 0ver, you're the best." If I didn't love P to death, and if L wasn't her very attractive sister ;)... man, should have smacked you for that.

Back to the excitement. The groom is nowhere to be found. He is still driving these asses around town. Turns out... and I am not 100% on this still, but the people he is driving around... Some dude, and his wife. The wifey is supposedly a picky bitch that got mad that the bathroom was a little dirty at their other hotel. No wonder sh|t is wrong, this guy can’t even take charge (or control, as I like to call it) of his stuff (or his woman)! By this time I realize that when the girls left, they also decided to leave my ex... even though I specifically asked them to give her a ride home. No dice. Fortunatly, since we can actually talk now, I was able to just get her a cab, and salvage the situation.

Aaaah, but back to the groom. Nowhere to be found. So, what are we doing tonight? NO ONE KNOWS. There's no bachelor party. There's a limo outside, but nothing to do with it. Let me tell you, it is much easier to organize a bachelorette party than a bachelor party. Couldn't find any more bars to close off, and there were too many kids at the house for a house call. Not good. I think I've called everyone I could, and I guess a strip club is the best I can do on short notice.

Groom is still not around. Guys are sitting around stroking it. There's also two guys there... the boyfriend of the girl, who is the bartender at a place we go to sometimes... and his friend... what is this, a carnival? I mean if this was a bar-b-q, maybe... but this is a bachelor party... we don't even know these guys. Anyway, we cram everyone in a limo, drive north to pick up the people that were chaufered around all night by the groom... and go to the club.

As I try and talk to the people there, the friend... of the guy... who is the boyfriend of the bartender.... who is now looking at some ass... at the bachelorette party I set up for them... well, he decides to start giving shit to the guy at the window. These people that work at strip joints... well, most are pricks. If you provoke them, it is not good. Thank G_d that situation got defused. I've never been the one to bitch about money... But out of the 11 guys (me, 11 guys + groom, 13 total) only one asked if he could chip in. So I am dropping the entry fee. F* it, no problem, just the usual. A few more bucks upstairs for the booze... no problem... There was a dude there that had the balls to set up a little dance for B on stage, thank you. And E was the only one that at least made an effort by trying and collect some funds from people to get a little more for the groom. 11 guys... $120 yup... 11 guys, $120. Essentially that is $10.90 per person. STOP BEING F*N J3WS! I pitch in the rest and send the boy off for a good time. At this point I am trying to figure out if we need another limo. We have 13 people in a "10 person" limo... and if you know how that works, you know people are sitting on the bar.

The evening ends with us getting back into the limo, people bitching about the lack of liquor... us pulling over and me buying more liquor, them bitching about it being not the right stuff... us getting home... 4am??? late.

*** Highlight of the evening ***
The asshole's errrr the friend of the guy who is the boyfriend to the bartender... well, his girlfriend is very attractive. That whole girl next door thing. Seems like a nice person too, and she plays piano. PLAYS UNBELIEVABLY GREAT PIANO! well, got to hear her play, got to talk for a sec... got to see her boyfriend talk to her like trash... considered stabbing him. Probably correctly decided against it. But pleasure to meet this girl. Anyway, she was the highlight.

So, time to drive home. Get there, decide it would be a good idea to sleep with the ex. I'll end there, because I don't feel like talking about any of the specifics... but the highlight of that was the fact that the fuse blew somewhere. Not fun trying to get ready for a meeting in New York when only the kitchen lights work.

Well, what have we learned today?
Weddings suck.
People are not responsible to their duties as best man/maid of honor.
No good deed goes unpunished.
Dropping $600 on ungrateful bastards is pointless, they will still complain.
Spending $600 on a great guy is an awsome feeling.
Stop sleeping with the EX.

I'm done, need to get some work done.

-0ver

Time to get reacquainted

Well, last night I was reminded of the fun weekend that I had a couple of weeks ago. Yes, the same week that I had the 4 day binger, with consuming at least 2 bottles of the good stuff a night.

After that my memory brought me to the next weekend... in which I had either very bad food poisoning, or my body was just taking revenge. I was sh|ting and puking pretty much the whole Memorial Day weekend. All ending with some great sex.

I love this country.

But I guess those times are past, and now we're back to this weekend. It is funny to think about how desporate some people are. So I'm chillin' at the old place... some friends are out, and we're all having a good time. Cab stops by, enter (or rather exit the cab) a very flamboyant flame-a-roo. Enter (exit the cab) as well is another guy that likes to have his pooper poped, and finally (as any gay couple needs) their straight, female, very un-attractive friend. When she walked in she asked me to feed her some pizza. This was nearly enough to make me sick. She didn't need to eat anything else for at least a month... and her face already looked like a pizza. On her way out she says to me "I really want to fuck... I want you to fuck me... and fuck my hard." I may have a couple of words off in that quote, but it is damned close. Well, unfortunatly I am not very drunk... but I am slightly beligerant... I tell her to fuck off... hmm, most people get the idea, but not this pig. "If you don't just want to fuck me, I'll pay you." Yes, those words came out of her mouth. I would not belive she said this, but there were at least half a dozen people around that heard this... Called her a filthy dirty wh0re that couldn't afford me. Like on cue, everyone cracked up, and she walked away.

Being offered money for sex is fun... and flattering, even if it is from an ugly pig that I wouldn't touch witha 6-foot pole... if they made poles that tall ;) That was for you Agna...

The rest of the weekend was nothing too spectacular to talk about. It was really nice to be able to relax Sunday, and see everyone that I saw... We will do this again soon.